When all has failed...

Juju baby...

Having just survived a emotionally draining patch attending to massive family dramas - both immediate and "adopted" through former affilliation (a classic case of being haunted by the past), it was with such great delight that yesterday morning I woke up to read about your comeback.

For a second there I found my pretty fine self smiling from ear to ear amused at the thought of you heeding the queen's call to save the beloved nation from life! And on Mandela Day!?! Honourable I thought! Wishful thinking doesn't hurt and that is my story!

To my horror, my amusement got to be documented as the most short lived ever! Bantu it seems like discipline school has completely transformed you from worse to worst. Addressing Zille as the "racist girl" was out of order my love. Juju baby it is post the World Cup sthandwa. That which was the norm pre 2010 as many people like to say, is so not the norm anymore. And saying that neither she nor "anything that looks like her" will ever rule the Western Cape again or the country for that matter is just hectic! Calling them ngamlas "things" is not polite! My darims you can't just reduce human beings to objects! It is degrading! Yini vele love bakwenzani kanti ongamla? Talk to your mama. And I don't mean to preach but didn't your grade 1 religious teacher tell you all things human are made in the image of God? or did you bunk class that day? Ok never mind!

Oh and by the way by making such a strong statement, do you mean to imply that the ANC will never have a white female as its top dog? Shoo and I thought the Freedom Charter stipulates that you guys are non-racial and non-sexist!

And before you abandon all things good and calm attained in anger management therapy and start dishing out that which is due to me, I personally am still angry at her city council for building those open air toilets in Khayelitsha. And oh by her I refer to Zille and not your grade 1 teacher. You see I understand full well the serious nature of the companionship that goes on in the toilet. And for in as much as I hate the smell of poop, it really shouldn't be flushed out so openly! Add to that the money that was wasted unnecessarily due either to improper planning or breakdown in communication (the council contends the Makhazi community agreed to enclose the toilets themselves). Does she think money falls from trees?

Anyway that is done and dusted now so moving along my darimz your statement that COPE is led by drunkards -your words not mine - is both pretty interesting and enticing. Phela yours trully absolutely loves good whiskey and is a firm believer in the notion of distribution of wealth and freebies (well that is if they still even have any penny left to spare after somebody decided to help himself to a full R20 million!). So hun do you think they would feature me in their drinking plans or you wanna keep me all to yourself? Ok ngiyadlala you and I coming together would result in torched houses, two hot heads should never mix! sorry to burst your bubble...

But is that all you could come back with after such a long period of silence? Ayi khona and thank God discipline school was free cause if the opposite was the case I'd say you were short-changed! But then again for any substance to materialise there should be a presence of some grey matter. And wena baby you are...let's just say beyond repair! Add to that the scary fact that SA suffers serious lack of skilled educators! No offence to your tutor Tony (I wonder if he is aware Mercedes is launching some new ML range pretty soon...) Shame nunu maybe you are just a victim of circumstance, I don't know.

Anyway I gotta run and oh did I congratulate you on getting your call for the nationalisation of mines on the ANC's September policy conference agenda? Probably not! How rude of me! Congrats though I still wonder to which people is the nationalisation of mines beneficial. School me papa..

Later!

kaMwelase.

Post-World Cup uses for the Vuvuzela according to Zapiro

Note to Juju

Dear Juju,

For the past few weeks I have been living my life on slow tempo mode and this morning I realised it's because since your gag, life has just never been the same. Juju, I am sinking into a state of chronic depression. Since your gag I have had to pay more attention to very serious issues like the probability of WW3 which my boss, who is a wealth of knowledge I will brag, has been very diligent to point out time and again. Or the imminent shortage of water and other natural resources which will undoubtedly be a very ripe source for war atleast continentally (atleast we both know most South Africans especially will not hesitate to justify this on the influx of foreigners who aren't only here to take their jobs but also drink their water!). Ok ng'yadlala.

There are many other qualifying issues ofcourse (think food shortage as the result of the above shortage or is this too much for you to comprehend?) but for the sake of both our sanity,mine's especially, I figure it's best I leave it at that.

Hard as it may be to admit, I miss the way you use to sway my mind from all these serious threats to mankind by adding flavour and spice to rather dull and not so relevent scenarios. Fair enough at one point your rhetoric even drove me to join some group petitioning for your removal as the ANCYL's leader but lately, and even though I still stand in full support of this petition, I just miss your rhetoric! Juju it seems that since your gag, abantu sebeyazenzela nje.

Take Zwelinzima Vavi for instance, who I know you are dying to put in place the way you did Gwede. The comrade, whose gut and rigidity I admire, went around dropping names of alleged corrupt cabinet Ministers all in the sake of highlighting the crucial necessity of lifestyle audits of those in government and publicly gave a glimpse of how grim the future of the alliance will look if the ANC presses on with instituting steps to discipline him! You see marriages of convinience are never founded on solid rocks.

I am sure by now you are thinking what a hypocrite, since his own wife was found to be corrupt in the way she conducts her business, which if they are married in community of property and they should get divorced is 50% his. Ok now I am being tjatjarag and before you get carried away, neither he nor his wife are in government thereby his call for the lifestyle audits qualify as legitimate. Guess we can't touch that!

An then there is COPE who is doing a sterling good job inflicting self-destruction with no assistance from you or your party who upon its conception aired insinuatations that this is just a party of sour grapes who fell inlust and thus have no hope in hell and will be destroyed. In case you haven't read my previous blog, perhaps it is worth mentioning that I am saddened by the state of affairs in COPE especially since lust is once again proving to be catastrophic but that as may be, I am curious to know what shocking humour would constitute your response to all of this.

And what about Carlos Perreira excluding pompous-and-larger-than-Bafana Benni from the World Cup Squad? What's that got to do with me, you must be asking and rightfully so, because other than the fact that this is some guy coming to YOUR house with Brazilian tendencies really what's that got to do with you? So moving along, what of the newspaper claims that maNtuli, who I am no groupie of, was unfaithful to the President with some late BODYGUARD nou gaal! And then the ladies calling in on 702 giving her the thumbs up for potentially raising the old man's blood pressure (well if the claims are true). Nx bloody agents!!

Anyway because I know you have discipline school and anger management therapy classes to attend, I will end it here. But the long and short of it is comrade, please save me from life!

By the way to which centre for abused women was the R50 000 fine paid as part of your sentence for abusing "Khwezi"?

Sincerely,
kaMwelase.

If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself up and try again - NOT

I have a very meaty bone to pick. Though I am no member of COPE like I will never be one of any political party because of some Western diagnosis called commitment phobia, I am probably one of the many disappointed and feeling betrayed electorate which, just like a child in a womb, counted on COPE to offer a viable alternative to the ANC, a party I once held in very high esteem until it was marred by drama, chaos and untoward “practices” (sorry but no President of a country should jam it up with skimpy young “thangs” I beg to differ! Atleast not publicly). Though this was a child born less than the normal 9 months, this child miraculously exhibited all the maturity that otherwise a premature child wouldn’t. It spoke of democratic practices. It spoke of transparency. It spoke of hope for a better alternative.

Even though my reasons for believing in this child were far from the hunger and thirst for clinching power, it was more of the need for an opposition that would keep the ANC on its toes thereby making it really work for the people, inspite of their political patronage. Sounds corny and maybe a little too idealistic I know but in all honesty my faith in this child was cemented on the basis that the custodian guardians of this child, had learned from the mistakes of their former godfather and would at all costs prevent that obnoxious little devil called ego to easily set them the unattractive trap of bickering!

But then as reality would have it, my idealistic reality is completely different to that of the guardians of COPE because in true Nonji pride, I would never ever dream to have my enemies bask in the shame of my weaknesses, NEVER. The recent public spats between the former first in command and his then second in command (currently acting as the first in command) aren’t only appalling and immature but bring to fruition the perception that COPE was founded on impulse and false illusion. Add to that clashing personalities without much common vision for the party other than getting back at (dis) honourable Pres Zuma (ok scrape that, who am I to judge?). And more so his protégé Julius, affectionately known as Juju or even Kiddie Amin after his dictatorial utterances, for former President Mbeki’s fall from grace (who rode a very high horse so I gather).

If anything, these spats make you stop and think where is the pride? Why on earth would a pride fearing man (my invention) misuse a party’s funds to a staggering tune of R20 million (and I thought the party was poor) and risk the ugly and nasty dent of public shame, scorn and disgust.

Even though through consensus, the guardian under scrutiny is the preferred choice to lead the party, how will he ever redeem himself from such a shame and what sets him apart from his former comrades who he himself has time and again branded as corrupt and pillaging? What principles will his next election campaign entail? Is this COPE any different to the current ANC?

Here is my take on things: COPE just like any other child deserves all the love and nurturing it can get but in order for it to realize its full growth potential both guardians must step down. Indeed this is to imply that even though guardian 1 has gracefully honoured the court order that sent him packing (excuse the insensitivity) post the past weekend’s conference, he may NOT in the future contest for the post of party leader. Though well meaning and law abiding he is – or so it seems, he himself is a loose canon who is emotionally immature and has no respect for party boundaries – take his habit to “broadcast” the party’s affairs to the public instead of within the party structures, if there are any.

Yeap both guardians have failed to offer this child the love and nurturing it needs. No child can be expected to carry the weight of such instability! Don't they know instability in the early stages of life has very bad consequences in the later stages of life? If it is their vision to see this child mature into an adult that stands in good stead, they should let themselves go and give way to a more visionary leadership who will not be swayed by power, anarchy and greed but would rather keep the eye on the price - a strong and viable opposition which will keep our young democracy alive!